I've known Ouija boards are bad news ever since my friends and I contacted Kurt Cobain. It turns out he's a bit of douche, and in retrospect I wish I'd thought to ask him about the weather in Hell. I'm surprised Courtney Love didn't cap him sooner.
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| Where do bad folks go when they die? |
Now, it's my Christian duty to remind y'all that few things make the Virgin Mary's baby's daddy angrier than Rock 'n' Roll and teenagers with Ouija boards. What so many consider a harmless distraction is, in reality, an $11.95 unlimited data plan, streaming text messages direct to Satan's iPhone. It comes bundled with hell fire, demonic possession, and an eternity of anguished heavy metal torment at no extra charge. And if you're not running out the door to go buy one now, then I'm not describing it right.
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| Uhhhh... save me, Jebus! |
In any case, this got me thinking about what the internet might have to offer in terms of online Ouija boards and how I might rig my own to teach Bible verses and be way less fun. It turns out that there are tonnes of online Ouija board games. I clicked the first link on Google (
Shop of Little Horrors), got spooked, and decided to watch America's Got Talent instead. This did little to ease my spiritual turmoil.
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| Why, Kurt? Why?! |
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